Boss: Jesse!
Me: Sorry boss, fell asleep.
Boss: I got up to get coffee, that’s an absurd amount of time to fall asleep in. Did you get my mail yet?
Me: Yea boss, got it in .2 seconds!
Boss: I asked for this 20 minutes ago.
Me: That’s improbable.
Boss: It happened. This is all my mail?
Me: Results 1-5. Here, give me those back and I’ll show you the next 5.
Boss: I’d like to just look at them all at the same time. And please stop playing with that hourglass.
Me: Sorry.
Boss: Also, I see you didn’t print the memo I asked you to.
Me: Yea about that…Are you sure you want to print it?
Boss: Wholly and completely.
Me: Okay it’s just that…you didn’t use real words. Look at this one.
Boss: That’s my name.
Me: Right, here we go then. Hold on it appears you’re not connected to the internet.
Boss: What? Here, let me…
Me: Hey your network configuration has changed!
Boss: Thank you, that was me changing it manually. Listen, when you’re done printing can you find “gr-
Me: “granny trannie panties?”
Boss: …”green computing solutions.” That must be left over from your old boss, I’m gonna need you to forget everything he ever asked of you. Can you do that?
Me: …
Boss: Jesse? Jesse put the hourglass down. Okay this isn’t working out. You’re unresponsive; I’m going to have to-
Me: You can’t fire me! (storms out of office)
Secretary: Sir, Jesse quit unexpectedly.
From: Break.com
