FAIL Fun

A Great Failblog with EPIC Fail Pictures, Videos, and News Updated Daily for Your FAIL Pleasure!

Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN

8:15
Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30
Weigh 5lbs. lighter than yesterday

8:45
Breakfast in bed, squeezed
orange juice and croissants

9:15
Soothing hot bath with
fragrant lilac bath oil

10:00
Light workout at club with
handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30
Facial , manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00
Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.

12:45
Notice ex-boyfriend’s wife, she has gained 30 lbs.

1:00
Shopping with friends.

3:00
Nap.

4:00
A dozen roses delivered by florist.
Card is from a secret admirer.

4:15
Light workout at club followed
by a gentle massage.

5:30
Pick outfit for dinner.
Primp before mirror.

7:30
Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00
Hot shower. Alone.

10:30
Make love.

11:00
Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15
Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

A PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN

6:00
Alarm.

6:15
Blowjob.

6:30
Massive dump while
reading the sports section.

7:00
Breakfast. Filet Mignon,
eggs, toast and tea.

7:30
Limo arrives.

7:45
Bloody Mary en route to airport

8:15
Private jet to Augusta Georgia.

9:30
Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45
Play front nine at Augusta ,
finish 2 under par.

11:30 Blowjob

11:45
Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on
the half shell. 3 Heinekens.

12:15
Blowjob.

12:30
Play back nine at Augusta ,
finish 4 under par.

2:15
Limo back to airport.
Drink 2 Bombay martinis.

2:20
Blowjob

2:30
Private jet to Nassau , Bahamas .
Nap.

3:15
Late afternoon fishing
excursion with topless female crew.

4:15
Blowjob

4:30
Catch world record light
tackle marlin – 1249 lbs.

5:00
Jet back home. En route,
get massage from naked supermodel.

7:00
Watch Sportscenter.

7:30
Dinner Lobster appetizers,
1963 Dom Perignon,20oz. New York strip.

9:00
Relax after dinner with 1789
Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.

10:00
Have sex with two
18 year old nymphomaniacs.

11:00
Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45 Go to bed.

11:46
One last blowjob

11:59
Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart.
Watch the dog leave the room.

12:00
Laugh yourself to sleep

via Bored…Get Unbored!

Class 1 Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2 Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate. Meets 4weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4  Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM

Class 6 How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum.Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT! Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 How to Shop by Yourself. Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Via

The husband greets his wife, who is returning from a long road trip.

Wife: Honey, I think there’s water in the carburetor.
Husband: What?
W: I said, I think some water got in the carburetor.
H: Are you sure?
W: Pretty sure.
H: Do you even know what a carburetor is?
W: Does it matter?

The man decides to check on the car himself, but the vehicle is not in the driveway. He goes back inside.

H: Where’s the car?
W: In the pool.

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home. ”

“Why?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.

One day I told her, ‘Honey, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’”

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 30 minutes to make breakfast.
Now I do it in ten.”

A Lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect “loaded” Lexus – and walked over to inspect it more closely.
As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her. Very embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

There standing behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, “Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?”

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, “Madame, I’m very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna shit when you hear the price.”

FAIL Fun Affiliates!

Ways to Follow FAIL!

  • Feedburner Readers for FAIL Fun