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These are real ads that were placed in various classifieds:

  • Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
  • FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
  • Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
  • For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
  • Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
  • Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
  • Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
  • Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
  • Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
  • Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
  • Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
  • Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 — $9 per hour.
  • Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
  • Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
  • Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
  • Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
  • Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat… been out while. Better be reward.
  • Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs – $175.
  • Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
  • Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
  • Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
  • German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
  • Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
  • Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products.”
  • Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
  • Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
  • Hummels – Largest selection ever. “If it’s in stock, then we have it!”
  • 1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
  • Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
  • Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.
  • Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.

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