FAIL Fun

Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A: Ate something?

Q: But do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.

Q; Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters.

Q: What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.

Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q: What does a rubix cube and a Penis have in common?
A: The more you play with it the harder it gets.

Q: Whats the difference between lust, love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargaling.

Q: What does the toothbrush say to the hair brush.
A: I get more head than you.

• Miss Scarlett’s Come Home to Tara
• Trolling for Vampires
• A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
• Saddling Old Rusty
• Feelin’ Menstru-riffic!
• Clean-Up in Aisle One
• Massacre at the Y
• T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
• Game Day for the Crimson Tide
• Panty Shields Up, Captain!
• Taking Carrie to the Prom
• Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote’s Ragtime Band
• Ordering l’Omelette Rouge
• Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
• Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.

When I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey, Sweetheart, how’d you like to Crunch on my Chunky for a Million Dollar Bar?”

She immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy.

I couldn’t help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots.

It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream, “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!”

Soon she was fondling my Mars and ZagNut, so it wouldn’t be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to her Milky Way.

She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said, “Look you little Reese’s Pieces, don’t be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don’t you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit ‘O’ Honey?”

She was quite a piece of Juicy Fruit and screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

I was giving it to her Good ‘N’ Plenty, when all the sudden — my Starburst.

As luck would have it, she soon complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later, out popped Baby Ruth.

A woman asks her husband, “Would you like some bacon and eggs? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?”

He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

At lunchtime she again asked if he would like something. “How would you like a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?”

Again he declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “really trashes my desire for food.”

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken?”

He declines again. “Naw, still not hungry.”

“Well,” she says, “would you mind letting me up? I’m starving.”

Via

• You have been taken hostage on a gay pirate ship.
• You are forced to swab the deck and set the sails.
• See how long you would last before you would jump ship or walk the plank.

Here are my results

How long could you last?