FAIL Fun

Taught by women, for men.

101 Combating Stupidity

102 You Too Can Do Housework

103 P.M.S. – Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut

104 How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray

105 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas – Give Us Money

106 Understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk At 4 AM

107 Wonderful Laundry Techniques (Formerly “Don’t Wash My Silks”)

108 Parenting – No, It Doesn’t End With Conception

109 Get a Life – Learn How To Cook

110 How Not To Act Like a Butthead When You Are Obviously Wrong

111 Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right

112 Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

113 You – The Weaker Sex

114 Reasons To Give Flowers

115 How To Stay Awake After

116 Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself Anywhere But the Bathroom

117 Garbage – Getting It To the Curb

118A You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try

118B The Morning Dilemma – If It’s Awake, Take a Shower

119 The Weekend and Sports Are Not Synonymous

120 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down

121 How To Go Shopping With Your Mate and Not Get Lost

122 The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency

123 Helpful Postural Hints For Couch Potatoes

124 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

125 You Too Can Be a Designated Driver

126 Honest, You Don’t Look Like Mel Gibson, Especially When Naked

127 Changing Your Underwear – It Really Works

128 The Attainable Goal – Omitting %@#*! From Your Vocabulary

129 Fluffing the Blankets After Farting is Not Necessary

130 Real Men Ask For Directions

131 How To Take Illness Like a Man

• It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
• One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).
• The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.
• Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
• A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
• There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
• Women blink twice as often as men.
• The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
• Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
• If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
• Women reading this will be finished now.
• Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

Let me spell my love for you S-T-A-L-K-E-R

If you ever want to see your children again, you’ll do what I want.

Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

I’m a necrophiliac, so why don’t you drop dead and I’ll think about it!

You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfed by you until I’m 20.

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

Know what would look good on you? CRUTCHES

“Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”

Do I know you from somewhere, because I don’t recognize you with your clothes on?

I have a fetish for feet, can I lick your toes?(if no) Please?!

Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

I think I feel like Richard Gere – I’m standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.

I dont want to come between you… or do I?

Hi, I’m a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

If I’d follow you home, would you keep me?

Hey, lets go have sex with monkeys and rape their corpses.

Excuse me, I managed to notice that every time I pass you, a monster grows inside me called “bitch get in my car.” I just hope it doesn’t escape and make me call after it …

I only thought about you once today–I just never stopped.

I’m kind of new to this environment… can you show me the way to your apartment/house?

I’m the kind of man who deserves to have women I don’t deserve.

I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and you’re beginning to look pretty good.

I would drag my balls through 200 yards of broken glass to kiss the dick that fucked you last.

Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?

Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A: Ate something?

Q: But do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.

Q; Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters.

Q: What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.

Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q: What does a rubix cube and a Penis have in common?
A: The more you play with it the harder it gets.

Q: Whats the difference between lust, love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargaling.

Q: What does the toothbrush say to the hair brush.
A: I get more head than you.

• Miss Scarlett’s Come Home to Tara
• Trolling for Vampires
• A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
• Saddling Old Rusty
• Feelin’ Menstru-riffic!
• Clean-Up in Aisle One
• Massacre at the Y
• T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
• Game Day for the Crimson Tide
• Panty Shields Up, Captain!
• Taking Carrie to the Prom
• Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote’s Ragtime Band
• Ordering l’Omelette Rouge
• Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
• Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System