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Archive for the ‘Redneck’ Category

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors…

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his 24 room mansion.

Leroy was having a great time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with ALL the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, ‘I have a 10 foot Man-eating gator in my pool, and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.’

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.

Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, ‘Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.’

‘No, that’s okay. I don’t want it,’ said Leroy.

The rich man said, ‘Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?’

‘No thanks, I don’t want it,’ answered Leroy.

The host said, ‘Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?’ Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, ‘Well, Leroy, then what do you want?’

Leroy said, ‘I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me into the pool!’

Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.

Bubba gets in line and when it’s his turn the preacher says, “Bubba, what you want me to pray about? “

Bubba says, “Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.”

So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, “Bubba, how’s your hearing now?”

Bubba says, “I don’t know preacher, it’s not until next Wednesday.”

Via

  1. Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away.
  2. Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.
  3. My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.
  4. Do you have a library card? Cuz I’d like to sign you out.
  5. Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em.
  6. If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
  7. You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.
  8. Man – ‘Fat Penguin!’
    Woman – ‘WHAT?’
    Man – ‘I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.’
  9. I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
  10. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room…
  11. Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
  12. If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon. AND .. the best for last!
  13. Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up
  • you let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  • you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  • you wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
  • someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
  • you think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
  • your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
  • your junior prom offered day care.
  • you think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “play ball.”
  • you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
  • the Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
  • you have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
  • one of your kids was born on a pool table.
  • you can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
  • you think ‘loading the dishwasher’ means getting your wife drunk.
  • you put mt. dew in your baby’s bottle.

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