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Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

10. Addressed senators with “Whaddaya say, meat?”
9. Spent the entire hearing updating her Twitter page.
8. Interrupted questioning to get fitted for her robe.
7. Turned surprisingly hostile when told, “No open containers.”
6. Left early to tackle the case of Sotomayor vs. Applebee’s riblets.
5. Started hitting on Clarence Thomas.
4. Kept referring to Al Franken as “Church Lady.”
3. Phoned in from All-Star Game in St. Louis to see how the confirmation hearings were going.
2. Only answers she gave were “Maybe” and “How the hell should I know?”
1. Took the day off to go salmon fishing with Sarah Palin

1. “I have said Sarah Palin’s political ambition combined with her intellect is like putting a jet engine on a golf cart; lots of horse power and no steering capabilities. Today she proved it.” –Alaska blogger Shannyn Moore, whom Sarah Palin is threatening to sue.

2. “Sarah Palin decided to chuck her responsibilities but still wants to have an impact on public debate. So what does that make her, a community organizer?” –NPR’s Michel Martin

3. “Watching Sarah Palin’s press conference on Friday was like watching a drunk seal trying to land a plane, or in basketball terms (which Sarah prefers) like watching a grade-schooler try to score on Kobe while jabbering inanely.” –Huffington Post blogger David Stemler

4. “Caribou Barbie is one nutty puppy.” –New York Times columniust Maureen Dowd

5. “I think Sarah Palin is on the verge of becoming the Miami Vice of American politics: Something a lot of people once thought was cool and then 20 years later look back, shake their heads and just kind of laugh.” –Republican media consultant Todd Harris

Boy: Dad, what’s politics?

Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we’ll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we’ll call her the government. We’ll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy: I still don’t understand dad.

Dad: Think about it for a while son.

That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he’s soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she’s asleep he goes in to the maids room but she’s in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him.

The next day…

Son: Dad I understand politics now.

Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.

Son: The management is screwing the working class while the government’s fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!

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