How does an Eskimo catch a polar bear?
First he cuts a hole in the ice
Then he lines it with peas (canned peas)
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, He kicks him in the ice hole.
Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category
Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over.
Bubba gets in line and when it’s his turn the preacher says, “Bubba, what you want me to pray about? “
Bubba says, “Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.”
So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba’s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays a while. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, “Bubba, how’s your hearing now?”
Bubba says, “I don’t know preacher, it’s not until next Wednesday.”
Danny was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows.
“Twenty dollars” she whispers.
He’d never been with a hooker before, but decides, what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks.
So they hide in the bushes. They’re going “at it” for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them– it’s a police officer.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my vife,” Danny answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” says the cop. “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” says Danny, “I didn’t either, ’til you shine that light in her face!”
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman’s husband also comes home. Panicked, she puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy “I have a football.”
Man “That’s nice.”
Boy “Want to buy it?”
Man “No, thanks.”
Boy “My dad’s outside.”
Man “OK, how much?” Boy – $250
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy “Dark in here.”
Man “Yes, it is.”
Boy “I have football boots.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy “$750″ Man “Sold.”
A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, “Grab your boots and football, let’s go outside and have a game of footy.
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.”
The father says, “What?! Why?! How much did you sell them for?”
Boy – “$1,000.”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. You’re going to church to confess!”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again”.
A little boy goes up to his father and asks: “Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?”
The father replies: “Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she’d have sex with the mailman for $1,000,000.”
The boy goes and asks his mother: “Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $1,000,000?” The mother replies: “Hell yes I would!”
The little boy returns to his father: “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!’”
The father then says: “Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she’d have sex with her principal for $1,000,000.”
The boy asks his sister: “Would you have sex with your principal for $1,000,000?” The sister replies: “Hell yes I would!”
He returns to his father: “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!’”
The father then says: “Okay, now go and ask your older brother if he’d have sex with Brad Pitt for $1,000,000.”
The boy asks his brother: “Would you have sex with Brad Pitt for $1,000,000?” The brother replies: “Definitely, it’s a million dollars!”
He returns to his father: “Dad, he said ‘Definitely, it’s a million dollars!’ ”
The father lets his son think about it for a day and then asks him what he has come up with.
The little boy answers: “Okay dad, here’s the deal: Hypothetically, we’re millionaires, but in reality, we’re just living with a faggot and a couple of whores.”
