FAIL Fun

Class 1 Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2 Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate. Meets 4weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4  Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM

Class 6 How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum.Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT! Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 Learning to Live–How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 How to Shop by Yourself. Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Via

A mother passing by her daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, “Mom.” With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion Mom, I’m pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don’t worry Mom, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Doctor John had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn’t.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: ‘John, don’t worry about it.
You aren’t the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go, John.’

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering, ‘John you’re a Veterinarian, you sick bastard.’

1. Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away.
2. Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.
3. My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.
4. Do you have a library card? Cuz I’d like to sign you out.
5. Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em.
6. If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.
7. You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.
8. Man – ‘Fat Penguin!’
   Woman – ‘WHAT?’
   Man – ‘I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.’
9. I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room…
11. Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12. If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon. AND .. the best for last!
13. Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, “This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?” He answered, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.” The following year the young bride gave birth again. The same nurse said, “You really are amazing. How do you do it?” He again said “You’ve got to keep the old motor running.”

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, “Well, well, well! You certainly are quite a man!” He responded “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.” The nurse then said, “Well, you had better change the oil. This one’s black.”