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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes

Why is air a lot like sex?
It’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

What’s the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins, “Once upon a time…”
A Southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud

What is the one thing that unites all Americans, regardless of gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background?
Deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers

Light travels faster than sound
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean

What’s the new and politically correct name for Lesbian?

What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?

What do you call a pimp who doesn’t like blow jobs?
A headless whoresman

What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
Both crews were marooned

Did you hear about the new “Divorce Barbie”?
It comes with all of Ken’s stuff

“Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!”
“Sit down and I’ll deal with you later.”

“Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!”
“What’s come over you?”

“Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!”
“Pull yourself together!”

Why did Santa’s little helper feel depressed?
He had low elf esteem

What’s considered bi-sexual in Alabama?
Someone who likes sheep and goats

How do you piss off a female archeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from

Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Montgomery, Alabama burned down?
Yep. Pert’ near took out the whole trailer park.

Why does O. J. Simpson want to move to Alabama?
Everyone has the same DNA

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