Archive for the ‘One Liners’ Category
“Man who lose key to girlfriend’s apartment get no new key”
“Man who fart in church must sit in own pew”
“Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok”
“Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly”
“Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone”
“Man who stand in front of car get tired.”
“Man who stand behind car get exhausted.”
“Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day”
“Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.”
“Man who buy many prunes get good run for money”
“Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk”
“Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth”
“War doesn’t determine who is right. War determines who is left.”
“Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse”
“It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it”
“Man who drive like hell bound to get there”
“Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs”
“Man who masturbate into cash register soon come into money”
“Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time”
“Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam”
“Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night”
“Man who stand on toilet is high on pot”
Let me spell my love for you S-T-A-L-K-E-R
If you ever want to see your children again, you’ll do what I want.
Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?
I’m a necrophiliac, so why don’t you drop dead and I’ll think about it!
You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfed by you until I’m 20.
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
Know what would look good on you? CRUTCHES
“Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”
Do I know you from somewhere, because I don’t recognize you with your clothes on?
I have a fetish for feet, can I lick your toes?(if no) Please?!
Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
I think I feel like Richard Gere – I’m standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
I dont want to come between you… or do I?
Hi, I’m a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
If I’d follow you home, would you keep me?
Hey, lets go have sex with monkeys and rape their corpses.
Excuse me, I managed to notice that every time I pass you, a monster grows inside me called “bitch get in my car.” I just hope it doesn’t escape and make me call after it …
I only thought about you once today–I just never stopped.
I’m kind of new to this environment… can you show me the way to your apartment/house?
I’m the kind of man who deserves to have women I don’t deserve.
I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and you’re beginning to look pretty good.
I would drag my balls through 200 yards of broken glass to kiss the dick that fucked you last.
Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A: Ate something?
Q: But do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.
Q; Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters.
Q: What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.
Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!
Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Q: What does a rubix cube and a Penis have in common?
A: The more you play with it the harder it gets.
Q: Whats the difference between lust, love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargaling.
Q: What does the toothbrush say to the hair brush.
A: I get more head than you.
- Hi. Can I domesticate you?
- Hi. My name is {name}. I’m running for president in 2012. And I could sure use your vote. Here…write down your number and I’ll call you to discuss my platform.
- I don’t know you, but I think I love you already.
- I dropped a tear in the ocean, the day I find it is the day I’ll stop loving you.
- I envy your lipstick.
- I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
- I have only three months to live.
