Archive for the ‘Men’ Category
In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
“I’m afraid I am the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces, “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?” The Doctor quickly responded, “$5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.”
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the male brain so much more?”
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and then to the entire group said, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve been used.”
FEMALE POEM
I want a man who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen all day long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, not be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind,
and knows what to answer to “How big is my behind?”
I want this man to love me to no end,
And forever be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac, with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat.
I know this doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.
Danny was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows.
“Twenty dollars” she whispers.
He’d never been with a hooker before, but decides, what the hell, it’s only twenty bucks.
So they hide in the bushes. They’re going “at it” for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them– it’s a police officer.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my vife,” Danny answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” says the cop. “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” says Danny, “I didn’t either, ’til you shine that light in her face!”
