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  • The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They weren’t working … They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
  • How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
  • How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
  • How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
  • How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
  • How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  • If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you (A)-go to lunch or (B)-read the newspaper?
  • What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
  • What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
  • What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
  • What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.
  • What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
  • What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
  • What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Don’t know. (There are some things a pig just won’t do.)
  • What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
  • What’s another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips.
  • Why does NY have the most lawyers in the country, while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.

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